Jezebel

Your obsession with living forever destroyed me.
When I put it like that,
you feel small,
and I can’t believe you used to make me feel so scared.

And you were so big,
and I was a kid.
It was not fair

To tell me those things,
To try to force me to make it real.

And here’s how I know.
Here’s how I know that
what’s in it for you 
isn’t in it for me.

Because it’s been laced through 
even my first memories,
The gray judgment lording over my spine,
Something watching me all of the time.
And it would be a winding worm to suck out of me,
leaving my brain swiss cheese, total lobotomy.
Is that what you want from me?
Perfect daughter,
Total lobotomy?